The worst day of my life!!
It was a few minutes before the ga me and Hans was scared out of his mind. This was his first game on varsity and he was very excited because his girlfriend Maya and all of his friends were there to support him. He was just hoping that he didn’t make a fool of himself. In front of everybody, there were even a couple of scouts there .this was a huge game it was the first game of the season against there rival team the TIGERS the tigers were a very good team but the eagles are better. Hans had just put on his cleats and was getting ready to go warm up when his girl friend Mia came over to the bench to give him a good luck kiss before the game .
This was Hans’s first kiss with a real girl it was the best 10 seconds of his life. When she left he thought that nothing could go wrong. But he was very wrong everything went wrong. When he finally got to go into the game on his way onto the field he tripped while waving to his friends he was so embarrassed and flustered that he began to cry. After he got over his embarrassment he began to play but it didn’t get any better even though Hans has much zeal for the game it was not enough. He was running down the field when his friend tucker passed him the ball. Tucker was much better and stronger than Hans so tucker was doing well, when Hans got the ball he dribbled a few feet than tried to dupe the other player and tripped over the ball Hans was lucky that he didn't get a bone spur . But with courage he got back up and played the game. The rest of the game didn’t go as bad as the beginning but it still wasn’t as good as he thought it would be. the game ended with a final score of the tigers 3, and the eagles 1.
After the game, Hans showered and got changed he walked out of the locker room he was hopeing that his friends didnt abase him. They didnt, it was good to see all his friends waiting to extol him on his first game on varsity. Hans was still embarrassed but he was glad for his friend’s encouragement. they all decided to go get some pizza at penocio’s when they arrived at penocio's as usual there was a loud clamor as soon as the walked in the door.When they walked in the pizza shop they saw there good, benevolent, and amazingly cool friend Evan who was as usual entertaining a bevy of beautiful girls Hans looked at Evan in ah one day Hans hopes to be as cool as Evan. Evan is also the captain for the varsity soccer and varsity lacrosse team. Hans hopes he will be as cool as Evan but he knows it will never happen. So Hans forgets about that for now and goes over to greet Evan, and his girl friends. They begin to talk and Hans finds out that Evan has just been granted a scholarship to wake forest collage. This is the collage that Hans has been trying to get into for the past 4 years. So you can imagine how jealous he is of Evan. But Hans and Evan are good friends so he gives Evan kudos for getting into wake forest and forgets about that and enjoys his time with his friend.
Latter that night after Hans and Evan were done hanging out, Hans went back to his house. He told his mom Danna and his sister Signe all about his horrible day, about when he tripped over the ball and everybody laughed at him, about when he found out that Evan had gotten into Wake Forest, and that he was just having a really bad day. His mother and sister were sorry to hear about his bad day, and they told him that he would forget it all had happen if he just didn’t worry about it and felt good for Evan. So hans took there advice and to his surprise it worked. After Hans had a quick bite to eat he went up stairs to call his girl friend Maya who he had not really gotten a chance to talk to after the game .
He dilled her number and after a few rings she picked up.
Maya "hey baby"
Hans "hey what did u think about the game ?"
Maya "I thought it was good you just got a little nervous that’s all you will be better next game"
Hans ‘‘ya I guess but it was just really embarrassing"
Maya "well that’s ok I still love you but I have to go I have to finish my world history home work love you"
Hans "love you to ill see you tomorrow"
Hans hangs up his cell phone and turns out his light. As Hans drifts off to sleep he think about the day an all that had happened.
9 comments:
authors notes
i would like my reader to take away from this essay that even if you u get embarrassed you should keep going. the idea that i am trying to get across is that you should never give up and follow your dreams.
i think that my grammar and spelling work good in this piece. i thought it it was easy to wright to whole story because it was about my friends and i know them well so it was easy to write about them.
gay
Wake forest
oh woops and ben go .... .. ....
nice story..... NOT!!!!!
1. The conflct of the storyis athat a boy is scared to play in his first game and e ends up embarasing himself in front of everybody the inute he steps on the field. The conflict was and internal conflict. I had no idea what the resolution was going to be it confused me.
2. Over the course of the story the main charcter decides to change the way he looks at things and realize that you cant be embarrased whe you are trying something new. . If he didnt change then he probably would have quit the team from embarrassment.
3. My favorite par t of the story was when the kid tripped when he was first walking out onto the field. This occured in the rising action of this story.
4. The rsolution wwas probably the best quality becaause it ended it so there was nothing left to read. It really wasnt that great of a story so i liked the part where the story stopped.
5. the theme was probably dont get embarressed over the little things, because then what will happen when something big occurs. .
6. he should probably add a lot more dialogue and try to describe things better so that the reader can understand where the story takes place. Also try to use some more vocab words.
1.) The conflict of the story was that Hans was embarassed for messing up in front of his girlfriend and friends.The conflict was internal and external because he embarrassed himself so everyone could see i(extrernal) but what he was feeling inside was the internal conflict.
2.) The characters are not very developed at all.There is nomajorchanges in the main character or any of the otehr characters.
3.) My favorite part of the story was when he was about to start the game and his girlfriend gave him a good luck kiss.
4.) The tales best quality was the plot because there was all the plot points in it that were obvious.
5.) Revise the dialogue.
i thaught that the most helpfull editing was when a class mate answered all the questions about your short story.
i think the stories best part is the humor for me i like this because I know the people in my story very well. and all the jokes are very funny to me because the all have to do with something that happened in real life.
the advice i would give to the next studants to write a short story is to have fun with it and really put alot of effort into the story. because you can basicly wright what ever you want to write about.
VOCABULARY:
1) flustered: on his way onto the field he tripped while waving to his friends he was so embarrassed and flustered that he began to cry
2) zeal:even though Hans has much zeal for the game it was not enough.
3) clamor:as usual there was a loud clamor as soon as the walked in the door.
4)benevolent:they saw there good, benevolent, and amazingly cool friend Evan
5) bone spur: Hans was lucky that he didn't get a bone spur.
6) dupe:Hans got the ball he dribbled a few feet than tried to dupe the other player.
7) abase:he was hopeing that his friends didnt abase him.
8) extol:They didnt, it was good to see all his friends waiting to extol him on his first game on varsity.
9) bevy:Evan who was as usual entertaining a bevy of beautiful girls.
10)kudos Hans and Evan are good friends so he gives Evan kudos for getting into wake forest.
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